Meet Kirsten Cycay of Saskatoon. From Hudson’s Bay this washed up junkie is not only in it for the money, but will say whatever you wanna hear just as long as she can get high or drunk for free. This slut wears a pound of makeup to cover up her nasty scarface and wears a heavily padded push up bra so she appears to have tits. She has the body of a 12 year old boy and the acne of one too, oops I mean jib scars. She will sleep with anyone, married or not, she has been known to go after all her friends boyfriends because she thinks she’s hot shit. (The Least she could do is brush her teeth… oh right… too much dope does that…) I wouldn’t fully blame her, the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, her mom is a washed up junkie that turned her father gay at the start of their relationship. At the end of highschool her mama’s advice was, “Dress the part of a slut, reel only the rich ones in and if he has a really big…I mean extremely HUGE….. Bank Account, forget to take your pill and get pregnant.” With advice like that growing up, no wonder she’s a complete Head Trip. She can’t spend a night alone or she will go into a 3 hour self pitty cryfest, she is selfish and vindictive and cheap in every sense of the word. Her motto is to give really good head on the first few dates to hook the guy, and then only once a year on his birthday if he’s lucky she will get on her knees. Meanwhile her Arby’s Special of a snatch is so worn and stretched that even a novality toy can’t stay in it unless it’s strapped in or suctioned to the floor and she sits on it. Those droopy purple meat curtains have seen more dick than her father. But she only counts the times she is sober enough to remember and anything under 30 minutes doesn’t count. She has to get retardly high or stupid drunk to put out… because she doesn’t have much feeling down there, the obsessive fisting is the only thing she actually can still feel from the waist down. You don’t have to be attractive to get this girl, she’s as easy as a backpage escort but doesn’t cost as much to f*ck, buy her one drink and she’s yours for the night, even when she is in a relationship. She prefers to party without her boyfriend so she can slut it up in the club’s while pretending to be out with one of her girls. She can be spotted all around town trying to rap the latest hip hop song, and gets wet for anyone who appears to be a small time drug dealer because she is a big-time wannabe gangsta hoe, living it up with the big guys in town, but all she knows are dimebag losers from small towns who are as fake as the dope they are piecing out point by point in attempt to support their own habit. If ever put in an actual trap house the girl would surly start crying in fear, as she makes it known that she wont ever lie to the 5-0, like any shady little rat she will call up one-time and then play disappearing act with the crime stoppers cash, a good haul in her eyes is to sneak away with a half game, and leave you with just enough weight on you so that she’ll be claiming the big bucks and get outta jail free cards when she calls it in to her bffs down at the station. Even too scared to drive around the West Side all alone, YET can’t actually tell you where the hood is at. But she FAKES being down to roll and is always running her mouth off trying to act big and start a fight, which is merely an act so she can play damsel in distress if a fight breaks out. The dumb bitch is whiter than white, only likes to fuck the next door white boy wannabe gangster, preferably taken for the extra challenge of it all, so she can get off, before going back home to the boyfriend of the month, or better part of the year with the big bank account! Right Zach? Right Sheldon? She plays the part of a good wholesome girlfriend so well…. uses her friends and family as a constant excuse to whore it up back home in Hudson’s Bay where she is known as the town pass around. If you’ve had the unfortunate experience of fucking this fake, crybaby, poser I’d be getting myself checked out at the nearest clinic. New dudes on the nightly but she won’t wear a condom, she doesn’t like how it feels. Recently seen cruising around on the east side of town throwing up NS while waving a RIVAL flag with some fake poser, trying to look cool while sporting Squad… LMFAO goof. But only in the safety of her car in the daylight before heading home to spend the scary night in some cozy Rich Boy’s bed where she goes over her latest shopping list and dollar signs while faking an orgasm, that being the only effort on her part as she believes in starfishing it after the first date or two. The most clever of all tricks this girls got is battered wife syndrome… doesn’t get her way and she will claim she was either raped, during one of her infamous “fake black-outs” or that she was tossed around to get sympathy from her friends, as she must constantly be the centre of attention. If this chick has one bruise on her it’s be from tripping in them heels she can’t walk in, even before she gets wasted… wears them mostly for the selfies! As her obsession with tinder, Instagram, Snapchat etc etc etc grows, her phone is always password protected.. as she is always talking to at least 3 guys at once, while scoping on her friends boyfriends even her life long bff ex roomie cant be found anywhere near her after she bragged about fucking her boyfriend as a fuck you for charging too much rent for her perfect little Hampton Village suite, and worst yet the passes made on her very own sisters boyfriend! Nasty. Your fake blackouts have grown old, and girl when you g yourself out for fun so you’ll have an excuse to fuck one of your poser thugs, while in a relationship, it’ll earn you just a shard of street respect if you’d own up to it the next day instead of crying rape again. Not cool. Everyone is laughing at you. A trailer trash hoe is still a hoe even after a pound of makeup and rich east side white boyfriend. And choosing below you, just so you can feel inferior in the relationship is pathetic. After the makeup is washed off or cried off when the night doesn’t turn out perfect for this white trash princess… It’s clear to see, you are usually below their standards. Our mutual friend Brynn, who brought in the big bucks from Wilco can confirm. (Her part time side piece who drinks tequila and gets her high, ditched the idea of dating her ass after learning she was just fucking him on the side to score a free vacation. While trying to get back with Zach(Big Family Money)and Sheldon(Rig Dude Who Works Hard for the Money) only because of their bank account and the hopes to make it a joint account.., YET thinking about your so called Gangster Boys and Bouncer Fuck Buddies and Underage Coworker attempts for a 1 time “Challenge Fuck” just to get with said coworkers taken older brother.. if you gotta fuck a minor to get with the taken brother behind your boyfriends back while he’s hard at work out at camp trying to make you into a decent role model for his son… while secretly hoping to date the tall built Whiskey Jacks Bouncer, but staying with publicly known boyfriend for the money so that you can spend your paycheck at Sephora…. that’s all just a little pathetic.. (Ask Austin or Jordan or almost any Male Coworker, Moves on Both Ryan’s were just a bonus as you were keeping it low key right before Christmas, knowing The Boyfriend or his rich Railway Daddy were gonna give you a nice expensive Christmas worth calling home about, you made mama proud, but all just notches on the bed post right. Yet you cry and throw a fit when the bankaccouts… I mean boyfriends leave you once they figure you out. Every little thing is fake about this girl, the layers of makeup, padded bra, fake illusions of curves, over the top cartoon eye brows and cheap fake lashes and every word that comes out of her mouth is a weak attempt to fit into her current surroundings. The gig is up, its time for the whole world to know, putting out for free rent, free drinks and expensive dates will only get you so far in life, it is no shock you draw blood for a living, at least you have been taught how to properly hit a vein without leaving track marks, perfect career. Don’t worry one day, when even the most expensive makeup can’t save you anymore, you can legit be a “cool” west-siders… I’m sure some young aspiring dope dealer just starting out can make use of you, get used to being on your knees for a change princess… how else will you be able to afford to re-up. I suggest a prenup for this one boys, so at least when you leave her ass for someone with class she’s only leaving with half your money. Double wrap it too, she takes more than one scrip on the daily to prevent outbreaks.. for what… who knows, she’s been known to take the morning after as well, when she finds out he ain’t got money. All her money goes into the copious amounts of makeup she NEEDS to wear to cover up that horrid face. You are as fake as your lashes, you don’t know shit about living a hard life, you are a spoiled psycho head trip that Literally stalks her latest checkbook boyfriends to make sure he remains faithful, but probably does it out of guilt for her lack of monogamy. I mean she researches, looks up phone records, drives by the house.. your work you name it, even the skank be jealous and protective over her faithful men or at the very least their bank accounts. …I could go on but I’m sure you get the point by now. A bottle of lotion and handful of Kleenex can offer more than this chick, and feels better too. Gaping isn’t something to be proud of, unless you dig “mature grandma porn” then this girls got it going on, her lips flap in the wind and I’m sure if on a very quiet night you listen very closely to the gaping floppy opening you are bound to hear the ocean, just don’t get too close without a dental damn, those pimply looking bumps ain’t the “razor burn” she claims that they are… you need medicated cream to fix that.